August 2008. That’s the last time we got to visit. It’s been a long time comin’, but this is my last post to this blog. I can’t put my finger on why. I resisted the urge to do this since May. Remember when my husband went back to work? It was really hard to get back in the groove of blogging, even though when I had to semi-give it up in April when he was out of work for a while with his broken arm. It pinched real bad to alter my habits and step away from the PC. I thought once it was everything back to “normal”, that I couldn’t wait to get back “on” on a regular basis. But, it wasn’t like that. I kept feeling like I was being invited to something sweeter, better. I didn‘t answer the invitation. That’s just the truth. I didn’t.What I did instead? I COMPROMISED! Yeah, that’s a beautiful word, is it not? Not so much? Yeah, I know. A little time away, a little time on. That got me through the summer. I had loads of stuff I wanted to blog about, but I also had a “check” about them. Not yet. Not time. When we left off in August, something unexpected came up on a Friday that completely took my attention away. Diverted my energies to something else. In regards to blogging – I was immediately paralyzed. At first I kept in touch. Then I couldn’t even do that.
2 things. I’m very visual, and back in late April, early May I kept picturing my blog with a picture of a window, shutters closed, and “Closed for Business” written across the front. I did NOT like the picture. I resisted. Kicking and screaming, I resisted. By October the picture was of me in my living room, company pulling up in the drive, knocking on the door (i.e. visiting me on the PC), me peeking through the drapes, so as not to be seen. But, I can’t make myself let them in. I can’t open the door. A sort of paralysis.
A hundred times I felt it would please God for me to shut down the blog. A hundred other times I felt it would please Him that I should push past the malaise, dig deeper and do better than I left off. Indecisive paralysis. Pathetic, eh? In my weak and partial defense, anytime I would try, my computer would “lock-up”, dial-up would be a pain, nothing would work. It seemed pretty clear that I just needed to give up the ghost. Never been good at that, though. Sorry.
Now that I am over the “hump” of decision, I hope to be in contact with those of you who are inclined to forgive my absence, and trust that you remain in my heart and in my prayers. I didn’t keep in touch, because I didn’t know what to say, and didn’t (and still don’t really, but now I am resigned to it) know what was going on. Because that’s the other part of this. There IS a metamorphosis of some sort going on. It almost feels like a bad thing. Definitely a strange thing. But, my God says “No, it’s a good thing”. I see changes in me, that I don’t understand and aren’t clear to me. But, I think a little dose of belated obedience may help things along. As I type, I see more and more clearly, that I am on the right track. And I am excited at what the future holds.
Things are good here. God is still on the throne. He reigns. Always will. He’s on the throne. But I haven’t been heeding Him. He gave me an invitation back in April. I am going to see if it’s still good. Better late than never, at least I hope!
I want to say THANK YOU from all of my heart to yours for your friendship, kindness, and encouragement. Please know that you each, if you ever visited, made my life richer in ways you will never understand. May God richly bless you in your lives in every way, and keep and hold you high above the fray of life, as you give Him glory and honor and praise.
