Friday, February 1, 2008

I Love Puntastic Humor!

I have a secret!
I LOVE corn-ball humor!
I know that many of you may have suspected this for some time now!
In honor of making it through a wild and crazy week,
(I'm sure I'm NOT the only one!)
I want to celebrate with a list of terrible puns I found!
Enter at your own risk!
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A backwards poet writes inverse.
Join in the fun. In democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours, and it taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

*This nifty piece of Office Spam was submitted by a JPAC.

Thirty terrible puns

Happy Friday, Ya'll!

13 comments:

luvmy4sons said...

I loved each one. Read them aloud to hubby who giggled the most at the exorcist and being repossessed. Thanks for a good Friday laugh! You are such a delight!

Carole said...

You didn't warn me enough. I feel into the horrible dungeon of unfunny puns and couldn't help but keep reading. Please don't ever do this again.

Karen said...

I loved these, and you know what I hadn't heard any of them before. I love a good laugh. Thanks for sharing these

Julie said...

These are too cute!

Thank you for stopping by my blog. Being new to blogging, it blesses me to have people come and read.
It's like having a friend come to the house for a visit.

Have a blessed day,
Julie

Denise said...

Thanks for making me smile, have a nice weekend.

Heidi @ GGIP said...

If I ever need a pun, I'll remember where to come to find them!

Regina said...

Very funny, a nice ending to a long Friday!
Thanks for sharing!

Sharon said...

:)..... :)

Tiffany said...

That was very funny! Thank you for sharing!

freetofly said...

Leslie, that was the first one I entertained my hubby with! What a hoot! I like the "Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat' pretty much, too!

Carole! Ha! Gotchya'! :) It's contagious, too!

Thanks, Karen!

Julie, I feel the same way! Thanks, too, for the vist! Your posts were lovely! I will be back!

Denise, you're welcome! Laughter is good for you!

Heidi, there's more where that came from! LOL!

Regina, Glad you liked

& you too, Sharon! Hope your trip is fab!

Tiffany, you are very welcome!

Happy Ground Hog Day, Ya'll!

xoxo,
Maria

Joyful Days said...

These are too great. I love punny things!! I'm going to share them!!

freetofly said...

Hey, Julie! Cute I love "punny things" too!

Your prize is enroute! :)

freetofly said...

Hey, Julie! Cute I love "punny things" too!

Your prize is enroute! :)

What Does it Mean Anyway? "Free to Fly"...

Well, it's like this: Here are some of the Webster's Dictionary definitions of Free: a : having the legal and political rights of a citizen b : enjoying civil and political liberty c : enjoying political independence or freedom from outside domination d : enjoying personal freedom : not subject to the control or domination of another2 a : not determined by anything beyond its own nature or being : choosing or capable of choosing for itself...having a scope not restricted by qualification 7 a : not obstructed, restricted, or impeded ...Now, here are some of the Webster's Dictionary definitions of Fly:1 a : to move in or pass through the air with wings b : to move through the air or before the wind or through outer space c : to float, wave, or soar in the air ... a : to take flight ...6 : to work successfully ...Examples which apply from Websters: fly high : to be elated - fly in the face of or fly in the teeth of : to stand or act forthrightly or brazenly in defiance or contradiction of

What does this mean in my life? This means that in life we are meant to be free. While historically mankind has not always enjoyed the opportunity to fully appreciate what that means, we are so indescribably fortunate as to live in a time of the greatest spiritual, physical, financial and political freedom ever known. Freedom doesn't come cheap, nor does it come easy. But the best things in life don't come that way do they? As I write this I am struck by how this sounds like a political statement, and for me this is much more of a spiritual thing, but, same goes for that (political that is). Freedom doesn't come easy. And it's worth whatever fight you have to make to overcome in your life in order to live a life that succeeds. Now the questions is - what is success for you? What is your standard? In my mind what is needed is a definite target - because you can't hit and maintain a moving target. A stable, rock-solid, anchor with no variable, yet multi-faceted. Something pure, just and worthy. If you look at any web page of news you can see that our society is certainly lacking in this area. What a great time to live as a rebel! Nowadays to be a rebel, all you have to do is be willing to engage in the battle of life, while anchored to Christ!