First Love!

Do you remember your first crush? Yeah, me, too!

I was 4! His name was Bobby!

I guess I remember because his family moved away and we were big buddies,

playing outside and such. When you are child,

and you are in danger of losing a play buddy,

well, it's just about the end of the world as you know it!

Well, as you can imagine, I did not invite you over,

for you to have to hear me recite a list of my childhood crushes...

very boring!

You may breath a sigh of relief now!

Seriously, I invited you over to hear with me,

this phrase that keeps rolling around like a marble,

in the hallways of my mind..."First Love".

I am taking this as First in the sense of

"preceding all others in time, order, or importance"

And can I just confess here?

I think you all know that I love my Abba Father, and Jesus no doubt is my savior!

But, I regularly, AND I DOOOOO mean regularly,

need attitude adjustments, and need to get myself back in the discipline

of putting Him first, and not sqeezing Him in!

For me, it is very tempting because I am at home,

to put off my time with God, the just me and Him, intimacy.

It doesn't have to be long, but it does need to be real give and take.

Instead I can easily got caught in this trap:

Thinking:

"I'll spend that time, just as I cycle this laundry,

and make Jason some pancakes...

Oh, and I need to call such and so about this,

and Oh, I can go ahead and get on-line and schedule payment for such and so,

and Oh my! Look at all these comments, well I will just pop over to their place...

Oh, I need to review Jason's Math with him, he did pretty well,

we just need to go over a couple of things...and I have GOT to get these clothes folded,

I'm just gonna sweep this kitchen and washroom real quick.."

Are you dizzy yet?

Yeah, welcome to some of my days!

Sometimes I get it right though,

when I am careful to make that effort to make my Abba Father FIRST in priority & importance, my day just seems to flow so much more orderly.

And I just become very thankful at the difference He makes in my life.

He truly brings order out of disorder in my life!

Another way I am seeking to make Him first,

is to endeavor to treat the difficult people in my life,

in a way that I feel inspired that He would.

That is very, very challenging at times, wouldn't you agree?

Sometimes it's challenging right under your very nose,

in your own home, from your own flesh and blood.

My oldest, who I dearly love, lives with us for a season.

Because he is an adult, I choose not to say much about him,

his life is not mine to discuss.

I will say though, that lately I am on a see-saw of love,

and urge to give him a SUBSTANTIAL piece of my mind.

Then I remember that I can't spare it! :)

And I keep remembering Matthew 18,

which showed up in one of my early morning devotionals a few weeks ago...drats!

Here's the most poignant part:

"And his master's heart was moved with compassion,

and he released him and forgave him [cancelling] the debt.
But that same attendant, as he went out,

found one of his fellow attendants who owed him a hundred denarii

[about twenty dollars]; and he caught him by the throat and said,

Pay what you owe!
So his fellow attendant fell down and begged him earnestly,

Give me time, and I will pay you all !
But he was unwilling, and he went out

and had him put in prison till he should pay the debt...."

The Consequences:

"Then his master called him and said to him,

You contemptible and wicked attendant!

I forgave and cancelled all that [great] debt of yours

because you begged me to.
And should you not have had pity and mercy

on your fellow attendant, as I had pity and mercy on you?"

Since I was a little girl in religion class at St Agnes School,

this has made me have a reverant fear of the Lord.

That's a good thing.

Now, I have NOT lived by it all the time.

But, especially as I grow older, I am more aware of it.

Because I am more aware of my need for mercy.

What I am working on is where to draw the line between actions and consequences.

Only thing is, I keep coming up with ALLLLLL the mercy He pours on me.

Can I do any less?

I'm working on it!

When I find myself growing resentful,

I know I need to spend some time with my Father,

think on His goodness, and let these things wash over me,

until a thankful heart is in operation within me.

That's the heart I want to be operating from!

Wish me well! And I wish you well!

Here is a great reminder about Our First Love!

And if you want to see what that looks like between God and us,

who can't help but be unfaithful, check out Hosea 2.

First Love

"I know you are enduring patiently and are bearing up for My name's sake,

and you have not fainted or become exhausted or grown weary.
But I have this [one charge to make] against you:

that you have left (abandoned) the love that you had at first

[you have deserted Me, your first love]."

Revelations 2:3-4